Saturday, July 30, 2016

On turning twenty



I spent my last day as a nineteen year old getting lost, which I think as quite a good metaphor for life thus far.

I was supposed to go down along North Bridge Road to find a bike shop so I could measure a tricycle (yes, you read all that right) but I underestimated just how long North Bridge Road is. Google Maps estimated a 26 minute walk, but after an hour of walking, I still hadn't seen it, and instead saw the looming structure of the Jalan Besar Stadium.

Like the almost-adult that I am, I called my Dad. Because truthfully, that is the best thing to do whether you're grieving or celebrating or just plain anxious and confused. I was so tired and sun sapped and afraid that I had walked too far to get back. But Dad reassured me I was near the place, gave me directions, and guided me there. I was shaky and tear stained (I must admit, I got so anxious that I had a little cry) but I got there, got the job done, and on the walk back to the office I saw a mango tree, a golden oriole, and a beautiful building with a statue of Atlas holding the Globe on his shoulders.

There's so much I don't know, there's so much around me that makes me feel lost, there's so much my Father in Heaven will guide me through, if only I call to Him.

On the day of my birthday, I woke up

and walked into a chair.

And the rest of my day got steadily better from there.

I was quite distracted at work, because the realisation that I've had such an immense amount of time on earth would suddenly come upon me (what have I done to deserve twenty years?) followed by the equally sobering realisation that twenty years is just a tiny pip in universe time. These two thoughts kept circling in and out, like the ebb and flow of a wave, and to still their dance in my head I had to reconcile my life with the knowledge that although I am nothing, nothing, to the world, God's love, the love of the people around me, and the beauty of this world have made this mere moment in time something really special.

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