no sleep tonight

(photo courtesy of toby's tumblr again.)
i couldn't sleep well at all last night because for some horrible reason i was plagued with dreams that kept making me wake up.
First, i was at some weird lake that turned from white to purple upon human contact, and i was on a really shallow boat (almost like a leaf really) and when it was just about to tip over i woke up with that swooping feeling in my stomach that you get when you miss a step.
when i did manage to sleep again, i dreamt i was eating chocolate mousse/ice cream with my grandma in the cafe in ixworth and it was dusk and there were clowns doing weird tricks outside the window with lassos made of fire.
Some where after that i woke up again.
and when i feel asleep, i was one of the clowns and jan hai was there i we were packing up the stuff.
then we were walking up the steps to my house, and i had this horrible certainty that Jan hai had absolutely no idea who i was. i had become a stranger to him.
It was horrible
then i said (in my dream) 'Heem" which is what he calls tim and me (for some reason we have the same name, but hannah is ah nah)
and he knew and he let me carry him and gave this happy little sigh and said "heem" too.
and it was like home coming.
i miss jan hai so much :'(

this is love

Teddy Roosevelt’s diary entry from the day his wife died. He never spoke of her death again.

I am waiting for the light.

too beautiful

Some one said, in response to this picture:
whats the meaning behind that picture of the girl sitting in the train
To me, "the girl in the train"  is an endlessly fascinating picture, not because it is a love story; (in fact, I don’t think the person who took the photo was particularly in love with this girl), but rather that in the short time they spent together, he still remembers her. I think it’s a feeling we can all relate to; there is no English word for it. It’s a sort of curiosity, but also a longing, a sadness that we will never know.
It makes us think of the all the people we have met, even if it was for just a moment, and we wonder how their lives are now. Your first friend in kindergarten, your 3rd grade teacher, the boy who picked up your purse when you dropped it. They are as equally alive as you are, and they have a story you’ll never hear.
This picture captures the tragedy of human interaction, but also the beauty. And I think that is the meaning of the picture of the girl sitting in the train

Molten lava cakes

inauguration of hannah's 18th birthday dinner,
miriam is trying to make molten centred chocolate lava cakes
BUT
i don;t have ramekins
or good grade chocolate
so.
i've made major adjustments which might screw up everything so i'm scared.
very scared

Resonance

today toby played the french horn during the service, for the prelude, offertory and postlude.
i really liked the sound, because it was well rounded, and to some extent, muted.
as in not blaring and raucous but quietly reverberant.
there were some slight mistakes but that made the sound more organic so it didn't really matter.
and it was such a nice change to the normal offertory etc.
i really hope our church introduces more interesting instruments to play during service because good music prepares my heart for a good sermon.
so, great job toby :)

drama mamamaaaa

One of the best times i;ve had with you emily was making that insane chinese drama in the car.
for those unaware, me and emily are on our way to channel 8 stardom because we have made the best and most cliched chinese drama in the history of mankind.
basically a girl called Chee Cheong Fun is madly in love with this guy called Xiao Long Bao but they can't get together and Xiao Long Bao tries to leave her in the rain.
Chee Cheong Fun is devastated and runs after him but slips in the rain and falls, grazing her elbow.
Xiao long bao realises how vulnerable she is and rushes back with a plaster, and almost professes his love to her when
LIGHTNING STRIKES
and Chee cheong fun 'loses her memory' and is rushed to hospital.
there xiao long bao vows to help her regain her memory.
he does, teaching her her ABCs, 123s, and DO RE MIs.
then after she has completely regained her memory the doctor tells them she didn;t lose it at all it was just concussion.
XIao long bao asks Chee cheong fun to marry him and she of course
DISAGREES
because she is an orphan and she wants her parents to be at her wedding so they have to find her parents first
judging from chee cheong fun's hair colour, hair parents are north korean so they immediately book flights to DPRK.
when she gets of the airplane, one of the airport security guards starts crying and says "chee cheong fun, is it you?''
and she says "father, FAATHERRRRRRRRR"
and runs to him with open arms and a plastic grin and wind blowing her hair everywhere but her face.
and thats where it ended...
TO BE CONTINUED

SHOPPING

Just went shopping with WEIXIN
and bought nice stuff and blew alot of money but feeling really happy and excited to wear new stuff and clear out old stuff
and also i bought these shoes which have a wedge so it makes me really tall (taller than my dad) so i'm kinda scared of wearing them but i like them so much so i shall but still
and also i kind of went crazy and bought alot of socks.
And also i made my own bag in MUJI which is fun and affordable and i want to do it again :)
and i also feel really bad for paying the famous amos guy $4.90 in coins (mostly 10 and 4 cent coins) so he got scolded by the lady next to him for counting too slowly but oh well.
Also i wore my tie dye top adn its so bright and colourful i think it made me happier.
i also noticed that most Singapore people wear dark colours why is that?
I am now resisting the urge to eat all 200 grams of the no nut chocolate chip famous amos cookies i bought for hannah.
it is hard so i am eating grapes instead.
I feel happy cos i bought presents for Emily, Cheezty and Hannah :)
and me of course.
For me i bought:
*a flower dress in Forever 21
*a pair of pink pants from Forever 21
*pink socks from Muji
*blue socks from Muji
*a bag from Muji that says "consider the lilies of the valley...they do not toil neither do they spin. Matt 6:28"
*stripy socks from art box
*beth shoes from far east (the wedge ones)
*espadrilles from new look

For my friends i bought stuff but i'm not writing it here because then the surprise will be spoilt :)

YAY. i used to think i was a lousy shopper because i am loathe to spend so much but since i haven;t been shopping for myself in an age, this time i wasn;t constantly plagued with financial worries :)

the next time i go shopping for myself will be after o levels when i try and find a prom dress/shoes.

til then.

BOLD HUES

my life seems to be running in technicolour nowadays.
i wake up and the light is so yellow, and the bathroom is so green and the car is so blue.
then in school i'm confronted with a sea of marble red because of the courtyard stones, which clashes with the flashes of blue as the students run.
and when i sing the majulah singapura the bland beige fills my mind.
History is red for rich and interesting and coolsome
Lit is powder blue or teal for an odd feeling of melancholy because for some reason my literatureness is stagnating
Chinese is a
Math is a sharp sunflower yellow because its so constant and almost comforting in its sureness (i am enjoying math so much more than i used to. Also, i found out that my e math teacher is a JAZZ SINGER who sells her CD in the shop called gramophone!!!)
Bio is a perky quirky orange because it is a happy subject
Chem is a dark brooding purple with streaks of turquoise because despite it being a fun subject with the funniest and best chem teacher ever, the chem SPA this friday is right now casting a worrying shadow over me.
English is a sexy purple because it is a cool language and my teacher is (in her own words) a cool mama :)
Social studies is coral pink because its so surprising and weird and cool things happen like finding out that you teacher used to work in a Red Indian reservation
then the bus is a mixture of baby blue and pink because i always feel really vulnerable on the bus for some reason.
then walking home is a light, sea green because i fell free and enlightened just as i walk.
there's my colour palette of a day

Sports day 2012

This year's sports day was absolutely AMAZING
okay, it was hot, but as James said "these burns are good' because THEY ARE TESTIMONY OF A WONDERFUL DAY
first, my class (which i have already told you, is they most unfit class in the level) won the 4x100 race! :)
and i was first runner, followed by isabella, then hannah, then kasee.
of which only one of us (bella) was a sports person.
and then we played inter class soccer under the hot hot sun (hence the slight burns despite the sun cream caked on)
and the soccer was really fun because it wasn;t competitive in the slightest because none of us really know how to play soccer properly.
and then we went to DA PAOLO (mamma mia) and pigged out on (in my case) a chocolate chip scone.
and then we went to wei xin's house and played card games and watched it's complicated (which was very funny and also, i think, made me relook at adults because sometimes they don;t know what they really want either)

Mothers' day

My mother loves me and i love her back. <3
today for mother's day hannah made pancakes, i set the table (blue and white coloured themed) and timmy washed up.
and my mum was happy.

chime on

I love it how at 12:00, on the first day of every month, the bells will chime.
today i was in the bathroom when it happened, and i just stood still and looked at the leaves and trees that are outside the bathroom and breathed deep and reminded myself that it was a new month, a new beginning, and that my house truly is beautiful and i can'tbelievewemighthavetomoveoutonedaysoon