Monday, April 30, 2012

Auntie Cecilia, my modern day angel


Auntie cecilia, after many long years of being my mentor and comfort, is gone back to phillipines.
nothing can express. she was so too absolutely dear to me.
She was a fantastic christian, a real prayer warrior, and she was so steadfast and certain about her faith that she'll forever be a shining axample to me all i really want to be like her as a christian.
may god bless her.
this prayer is for her.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Toe the line


Last week i experienced a episode of grace.
So.
My class is renowned as being the most unfittest class in the level.
therefore, since class points kinda depend on sportiness, we are pretty much trailing behind all classes.
but then there's me
not to boast or anything, but because of my class' gross unfitness, i have become one of the fittest people in my class and therefore try for most of the sport things to get some points for the class.
so i was due for long jump try outs.
being a trampoline gymnast, i thought this was something i just might be able to do (not qualifying for the 100 metre dash, and getting 8th position for the 800 metre)
so the thing about the long jump is that after you run up, the place you launch from cannot be across a certain line.
so.
i jumped.
all three times i jumped i cleared the jumps of the other contestants by at least a few centimetres'
but every time i jumped, i crossed the line, by about a toe
the disappointment was crushing.
but when the PE teacher announced "no jump" for the third and final time (no more chances) someone piped up
'you should give miriam another chance'
and then others were agreeing and before i knew there was a steady chorus of
'yes'
'another chance'
'she deserves it'
and the teacher actually cleared me to the semis (which, in case you were wondering, i didn;t clear because-horror of horrors-i crossed the line, AGAIN, but i knew this time it was over and i wasn;t even sad, strangely, given that i'm fiercely competitive usually)
and i couldn;t help thinking how it was just like Jesus.
I was condemned to hell (or disqualification) but he saved me and gave me an undeserved chance, just like how that girl got support for me to get to the semis.
it was a modern day miracle, again.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Imagine



The choir concert was so inexpressibly incredible.
I arrived at around 3 at school for warm ups and a run through and then we joined the HCI choir and had dinner and prep
and then it was showtime
Our line up for choral was:
1) Danny Boy (Irish)
2) Kwae Jina Ching Ching (korean)
3) Morning Star (Hungarian)
4) Kalinka (Russian)
5) Salve regina (Sacred latin)
6) Aunu Aunu Balti Kajas (Latvian)
7) Shenandoah (American)
8) Keindahan Taman (Malay)

We started fairly strong, and grew better and better. I personally loved Salve regina. I imagined a court scene where a jew was being persecuted unfairly due to discrimination over his faith, before a kind and impassioned soul pleaded on his behalf and he was spared. (i tend to think up narratives to go with the songs so i can really express the emotions encompassed in the songs) when we sing salve regina more often than not i feel like the music is washing over me in waves and cleansing me and purging me and making me just think of making beautiful sound.
and that is one of the feelings i am going to miss most being in the choir.
the second section was okayyyyyyy and i truly felt the beauty of some of the songs (Voices that care especially-lonely fear lights up the sky, can't help but wonder why, you're so far away.)

And the third section, our pride and joy, our very own original musical, was wonderful. WUNDERBAR :)
we sang and danced our hearts out.
pearly was particularly wonderful, she really played to the crowd and got lots of claps and cheers. (she's so amazing on stage and so humble off stage i really truly admire her.)
i am happy to say that my scream (which signified me waking up from my dream -'more like a nightmare') was fine: i didn't sound soft or gentle, but i did let out a bloodcurdling scream :)
the story went like this.
Aurora (me) a typical school girl, is given an ss assignment which requires her to analyse the social issues faced by today's society. she falls asleep because of her dull task,and dreams of a universe like our own.
It begins with herself as sleeping beauty, who is cursed by the evil green witch because she wasn;t invited to her baby shower because her parents detested her skin colour. then, we meet the ah beng (pearly) who is entranced by the beautiful presents that sleeping beauty got for her baby shower. Wishing he had the money to buy such branded goods, he falls into the trap of gambling at the nearby golden goose casino. of course, he loses his money and almost his life to the loan sharks, and becomes penniless and pitiful. He then meets Jack, who is desperate to climb up the social ladder and become a success, unlike the failure of an ah beng he has just seen. he tries all sorts of underhanded and malicious means to rise above the rest, booting out competitors and eventually succeeding his boss as head of the company. Little does he know that for all he has gained, he has lost something far more precious. The scene switches to Mary, a woman who has been fired because a misunderstanding between her and Jack. She vents her anger on her pitiful maid Cindy ella, who flees her abusive employer, and bumps into the 3 billy goats who are also trying to escape their circumstances, but get stopped by the IRAS just as they are a hairsbreadth from their destination, they realise that the way the world works, is work. But unfortunately, the 3 little pigs who suddenly appear haven't grasped that, and 2 of them are all too happy to put aside their study material (for the exams) to rest and play, under the temptation of the wolf. The wolf almost eats the 2 pigs, which is when Aurora awakes (with a scream) and realises these issues are all so pertinent to today's society, and that writing her assignment won't be as hard as she thought.
:)

My last moments with the choir in an actual performance.
and it was beautiful
choir has meant so much to me.
its opened new doors (worship. friendship) and made me see things differently, and cultivated a love for harmony and chorus.
I don;t think any other choir is as diverse and beautiful as the SC choir and i'm going to miss it so so terribly much.

Friday, April 20, 2012

4


4 tests next week
goodbye computer.
see you next friday or saturday or sunday

hair cut


my tresses are gone.
and according to a dear friend my new hair is "nice but not as smexy" and according to another dear friend i look more "zesty" and less "whimsical"
hmmm
expect me

it remains


forgiven but not forgotten
trust will be built again
i'm sure of it
but it will take time
dear friend, you know not who you are and yet you unwittingly hurt me and unwittingly healed that hurt
and i forgive you

Love remains the same


Phileo love:
‘Phileo’ is a love which consists of the glow of the heart kindled by the perception of that in the object which affords us pleasure. It is the response of the human [soul] to what appeals to it as pleasurable… The word was used to speak of a friendly affection. It is a love called out of one in response to a feeling of pleasure or delight which one experiences from an apprehension of qualities in another that furnish such pleasure or delight. It is also known as a vortherly (or in this case, sisterly) love
:')
you guys <3

Thursday, April 19, 2012

9 o'clock and destressing


guess who's going to bake a chocolate cake right now?

my lips are sealed



trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. needless to say, i have lost trust in someone. who i took a long time to really feel safe enough to confide in.
sorry but.
it hurts.
secrets are meant to be kept, not told and discussed and warped.
needless to say i'm going to take a long time to trust you again.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Jan Hai


(this photo is courtesy of TOBY :) )
I'm dedicating this post to a little boy who has made me smile every Sunday I've seen him
In case you don't know, Jan Hai is a little Laotian Boy of about 2 or 3 years old
He comes to my Church every sunday. we pick him up.
and then after church we take him to lunch and back home and i get to play with/babysit him :)
Jan Hai can;t speak English yet. but it doesn't really matter. you can tell when he is happy or frustrated or angry or confused or tired.
Happy=smiling/screaming (in happiness/excitement)
Frustrated/confused=hands up and shrugging, eyebrows furrowed and a look of bemusement on his face (this interchanges with a look of 'this thing should work but it doesn;t what is wrong with it' coupled with short sharp sighs)
Angry=yelling/hitting (once when i continually sabotaged his efforts to get his 5th drink from the vending machine he bulldozed me)
Tired=hands up and asking for a cuddle/carry.
Every sunday i look forward to seeing him because its really fun (albeit challenging) thinking of new things to do with him and new words to teach him.
Once we played bubbles and he successfully poured about half the bottle down his shirt :)
and another time we were teaching him how to say Monkey and he kept pronouncing it as Gungy :)
and this is the quote i found just begins to describe his vitality and intelligence and desire to explore

Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.

YODA, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Monday, April 16, 2012

SC CARNIVAL

4 years pass so fast.
its my last year in SC and i just got to say,  i love it.
Ok, i do hate some aspects of it: the homework, the daily remedial, the extra cca practice during the holidays, the lousy food, the cliques. but really. there's so much more to love when i look behind my complaints.
so last saturday was CARNIVAL :)
i have to say this year i was really excited and i took special pains to sell as many tickets as i could (And i am proud to say i sold the most in my class :) )
and the carnival did not disappoint
i reached there half an hour early to set up the stall, with yings who was engrossed in A thousand splendid suns (which, by the way, is the best novel i have read since forever) and the Uncle Ringo guys.

The redemption stall was easy to manage, and some of the kids were really cute :) like this little boy who was called Tim who kept coming and counting his tokens out and then running away to get more until he finally had enough for this little blue doggie and when he got it he was o happy he started skipping around with it:) and this other little boy who said "I wanna pink fish" and when i gave it to him he said "I'm gonna share this with my jiejie" AWWWWWWWWWW
The i went around with Yings. I played the monkey race thing and WON (wowowowowoww) a purple unicorn <3
and then we went on the meteorite (it was better 2 years ago) and found her lil brother.
We also bummed around the food stores like Yoguru and ben and Jerrys until it was time to go for the dance concert.
dance concert: nothing is like SC dance i swear. though it was interesting to see the other dance groups from other schools nothing can compare i swear.
after that we had lunch and i had my first CARL"S JUNIOR burger (yummy yummy in my tummy) and loved it. then we met chari and we all went into the drama's horror show case which seriously freaked me out even though it wasn't supposed to be THAT scary (sorry wimpy kid here)
Then i met WEI XIN <3 but i had to run off like Cinderella to go on the meteorite with megan lim.
i felt kinda sad when i was riding with megan because i'll be really sad when she leaves :(
i hope she doesn;t change in her new school. cos she's so uniquely megan.

Anyway, then i went round blowing my money with weixin
it so fun finally being with her since we've kinda been apart (blame it on the choir recess prac)
and it feels so much better now that i've told her my little secret (why didn't i tell her BEFORE stupid me)
and it was so fun just to be excited and crazy and me around her :)
<3 you OWX
we made badges and bought badges and auntie earrings and socks and then i wen ton the monkey game twice more to win a dog for her and for Jan Hai (going to write about him more when i have time cos he's like sunshine in my rainy week)
and then i went home
happy and content and feeling.



Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Forever is a long time


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live with someone FOREVER.
not like married forever, or until you die forever (wait those two things should mean the same thing. unless your husband dies first. Which is most probable since women have longer lifespans generally)
But ETERNITY forever. Like how we'll be with god Forever and Ever until Forever ends which is never.
I sometimes wonder how I'll do it.
But the secret things belong to the lord and the angels have done it for millenia (ish) and so.

puddle wonderful


Reaffirmed that ballet does make me more graceful (though the effortless pointe of the dancers in the video is so...)

Monday, April 9, 2012

indulgence


i'm feeling fat because today in total i had 3 cupcakes and 2 slices of bread smothered in melted chocolate and 2 biscuits covered in sugar and cream

Sunday, April 8, 2012

whimsy


i love how Owl city's songs are just poem's with tunes <3

Vanilla twilight


The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

On the Wing


Breathe and I’ll carry you away into the velvet sky
And we’ll stir the stars around
And watch them fall away into the Hudson Bay
And plummet out of sight and sound
The open summer breeze will sweep you through the hills
Where I live in the alpine heights
Below the Northern Lights, I spend my coldest nights
Alone, awake and thinking of...the weekend we were in love

Home among these mountain tops can be so awfully dull
A thousand miles from the tide
But photos on the walls of New York shopping malls
Distract me so I stay inside
I wish the rockets stayed over the promenade
Cuz I would make a hook and eye
And fish them from the sky, my darling, he and I
We’re hanging on so take us high
To sing the world goodbye:

I am floating away
Lost in a silent ballet
I’m dreaming you’re out in the blue and I am right beside you
Awake to take in the view
Late nights and early parades
Still photos and noisy arcades
My darling, we’re both on the wing, look down and keep on singing!
And we can go anywhere
Are you there?
Are you there, or are you just a decoy dream in my head?
Am I home or am I simply tumbling all alone?

the room's hush hush


YF second quarter

mad rush out of the house
on the train no one gives up their seat
opposite me is a man talking loudly
he scares me so i pray for protection
i get the 40 bus just in the nick of time
 (thank god for that lovely driver who stopped for me)
Singing at the top of my lungs with gloria
screaming about PEETAAA and GAAAAAYLE
whistling the haunting hunger games tune
HUNGER GAMES HUNGER GAMES
finally some serous practice and the three guitars sound so rich
chicken rice for dinner
james is wearing bright fluorescent pink shoes
why?
then the actual singing.
i love the new song...our god is greater.
because he is
and now who can stand against us?
the message.
made me wonder
what are my spiritual gifts?
i hope worship is one of them because it fulfils me.
though its fulfilling others that matters
and i do hope they feel as blessed
after each song
as i do
the the testimony
interesting.
so much more than i knew and i wonder if
in those circumstances
i could do that
too.
then its the normal small talk and chat-
ting. home sleep easter tomorrow/

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

cinnamon rolls


i baked 21cinnamon rolls on monday and by tuesday all of them were eaten.
think what you will

taking me higher


for some reason i need to document all my Sundays cos they are so vivid and striking and beautiful.
so it started normal.
the after church, and lunch, Hannah, Shawna, Toby, James and I took the bus home. For some reason that made me happy. Floaty and unreal, like i was in a movie.
and i was especially pleased when we stopped off at da paolo and got a chocolate chip scone (today i went there too, nostalgic and craving for the taste of a CCS BUT they were all sold out so i had to content myself with a buttery croissant, which, though warm and delicious, could never match up to a CHOCOLATE CHIP SCONE)
After getting home, i played with Christy and Sarah on the trampoline,a nd i think the sudden rush of exercise after something of a famine from the stuff gave me such a nice adrenaline buzz. and of course the feeling of sailing through the air up and down and up and down.
Then we went upstairs for a brief respite, and i devoted my time to making Jan Hai laugh.
Downstairs again and james and tim came on the trampoline with us and James bounced me really high but i had to be careful because the higher one bounces the less control they have and i had to concentrate on not crashing into James or squashing tim.
The we went to Pastor Pullman's birthday dinner. On the way there i had a most interesting conversation with James. i let slip about how i was thinking of going to an SJI carnival to get feedback on the carnival so as to decide whether or not to go, and he said
James: SJI boys aren't...good
Me: You mean they're bad?
James: No, they just aren't good...They don't slay dragons...they aren't chivalrous...
Me: Do you slay dragons
James: YES
What does that even mean? Anyway i can;t go because i have a choir concert on that day, though i would be so fun to reunite with my primary school buddies....
after the party, we sang our way home, and that was a beautiful ending to a beautiful day.
closure.

extremely loud and incredibly close

last last sunday was so incredibly happy and i don't even know why.
Maybe it was because Jan Hai was so incredibly happy to see us. He was carrying a yellow plastic 'big bookshop' bag, and he looped the hand holding places around his tiny shoulders so it was like a yellow plastic back pack. When he saw our car turn into the drive way he was so excited and he pointed and shouted and almost came running out in front of the car (heart skipped a beat there) and my heart just surged with happiness when i saw him because he is so sanguine all the time and its such a joy to take care of him (albeit tiring at times)
and then in church the message was so... pertinent. changing from the inside out.
i mean, for ages i've tried to change my habits, to no avail usually. and i realised its the heart that has to change first. and thats hard (i mean, what isn't?) but gods word helps. i'm starting QT on the psalms, and i read one chapter every breakfast and there's no saying hoe it encourages me in the day.
I love the verse that says,
" I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. "
after service we went to suntec city (we being me, emily, james, rebecca, tim, parents and Jan hai)
and for lunch i had NAAN (which i never realised was so delicious)
the man at the shop was lovely and gave me and emily a discount of around 30 cents.
and the Naan itself was superb. supreme.
and for dessert i had a macdonald's hot fudge sundae, which i haven't had since i was like 6, and it was luscious.
After lunch, we walked around and we went to the fountain of wealth. the small one, for wishing. so i walked round it three times with my arm trailing in its waters and wished hard for something.
(no it was not related to X and no it was not related to o levels)
then we went up the top of the fountain and looked at the zodiac signs and their interpretations.
i am apparently scrupulous (which james pronounces as scrah-pu-lous) and a good accumulator of wealth.
James is apparently a fiery (or feery according to him) upholder of mankind (or somehting to that effect)
and emily (like Jan Hai) is something like a passionate trail blazer.
The i raced tim around the rim of the fountain (i refuse to believe that he won) and plated with Jan hai with James, and then flopped down in dizzy happiness.
because that was how i felt
intensely, supremely happy