Monday, February 27, 2012

Up up and the tears come crashing down

Up is the saddest movie that is not real.
I'm serious.
i cried and cried and cried because the old man's love/life story was so sad.
his life spring died, he was afraid of the world around him. he didn't understand it.
and then and then he couldn't let go until he almost lost his new friend.
emotional overload, which probably wasn't a good idea before chem SPA.
anyway, thank goodness i finally watched it :)

Friday, February 24, 2012

My listography

go visit my listography
i like making lists becasue it provides some order to my otherwise messy life

half way down That road

Today my friend told me i was half way to bimbo.
that really worried me because

i don't want to be a bimbo.

bimbos are generally accepted as air headed girls who go to great length to maximise their looks while their brains slowly decompose and crumble into dust.
bimbos are the girls who scream really loudly in class/ the canteen/ the bus stop to attract wanted attention.
bimbos are the girls who alter their skirts to immodest lengths and who lower their belts and tighten their uniforms so the previously shapeless shift becomes something resembling a tube dress with straps.
I'm not a bimbo.
My school dress is still sack like and shapeless.
I don;t scream for attention. i have trouble raising my voice to be loud enough in class presentations and announcements for that matter.
I'm not airheaded, i think about things. I am an INFJ, which means i am internally focused and primarily intuitive, though i can also be secondarily feeling, which means i deals with things according to how i feel about them or how they fit with your personal value system. I
apparently live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities, and know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. And i am usually right.
I also apparently have uncanny insight into people and situations, and get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. However, because people apparently do not understand me, I am protective of my inner self, sharing only what I choose to share when I choose to share it.
And i am also supposed to be capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

All these point to one conclusion, that:
a) I am a social chameleon who changes my persona in different circumstances to accommodate different kinds of people. This explains the half bimboticness. You see, with my friends (most of them anyway) i try to be happy all the time. I never discuss dreary or sorrowful topics, i never seriously talk about my own troubles, unless i over dramatize or joke about it. I don;t want my friends to bear the burdens i bear the secrets i hold (most of them not my own, which makes holding them even harder) perhaps my ubiquitus boisterousness has been taken as bimboism. i shudder at the thought. I am going to try to be more serious with my friends, tell them and ask them about the things i really care about, not the mundance everyday quirks that seem to dominate our converstaion now (once  again i stress that this is not with ALL friends, to some, who have known me long or deep, they know a fraction of what i reallly want to say.) But i fear that my own fear of being seen as a kill joy or a wet blanket will soon cause me to revert back to my veneer of carefree joy in front of certain people. and why begrudge that? i mean, joy is something fine. i sincerely do fee joyful when i'm with these friends because for a time i can be another kind of me, a me that is forgetting her troubles for a while. Yes i am very muddled but it is ten at night.
b) Like Anne Frank, I have an inner miriam and an outer miriam.
i don;t think anyone has seen the inner miriam and it seems unlikely that anyone will in the near future.
i alone know this miriam (no not even my best friends know this miriam because she sometimes disgusts herself, perplexes herself and enchants herself in equal measure.)

This post is very convulated and confusing but really, i'm an INFJ so forgive me :)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A very fulfilling day

Today i did many things i wouldn't normally do
things that make me happy
after the lovely CORNETTO (read about it down there)
i came home and practised ballet till i sweated like a pig
i didn;t do the stuff properly but it was more the exercise and the fun
then i decided that sine i was dancing, i should learn the ACJC mass dance
which was really hard,
but i kind of got the hang of it after a while.
Then i blogged for a while, about the CORNETTO
Then i decided to paint
first i painted a night sky
then i painted my hands
then i painted my hands
hand coloured
with my veins purple green and purple red.
beautiful if i say so myself
Then i had dinner
nice bread and cucumber and green pea soup
and now i'm watching Billy elliot

long time ago when i ate cornettos

today after church, we went to kallang and i had dumplings for lunch which were YUMMY and DELICIOUS but also too filling so i had to give my last three to emily, toby and ben.
it was also very strange how out of the blue i saw some schoolfriends.
anyway, we went down to sports link and i enjoyed the nc\ice songs and the over sized shoes with emily while cheezty trawled through the endless rows of stuff for new trainers.
When we left, i went to the petrol station to fill up the car, and then i saw it
i thought to myself, its been ages and ages since i had one of those.
so i asked my dad to buy it for me and he did.
it was heavenly
but when i went home i had to brush my teeth to get the black chocolate stuff out.
anyway cornettos hold special significance to me because they used to be my favorite ice cream when i was a kid.
i remember once when i was in England and i bought something like an english version of a cornetto.
it was strawberry flavoured and beautiful
so i sat by the beach licking it.
then i decided to bite the bottom of the cone off which is something i used to do to ice creams
so i did.
then i had to suck the ice cream out from the bottom so it wold melt all over my hands
so i turned the ice cream up side down to get to the bottom and
my ice cream fell onto the pebbles of the beach
i remember being very extremely sad because i loved that ice cream and it was gone forever.
yes and i never bought another one that day.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

before i kick the bucket

i am starting my bucket list.
on my listography page.
One of the options include milking a cow and falling asleep on grassy plains.
I hope i can finish it before i die...
which i hope won't be till i'm 70 ish.
this blog post is going nowhere, but i felt it was important to announce how now i am starting a bucket list.

tick tock tick tock

i need to improve i need to improve i need to improve.


You know what day it is........
to my very special friend Emily,

I hope that for every candle on your cake you get a wonderful surprise.
And remember, a birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
Thank you for being my awesome best friend :)
I hope you have many more birthdays to come, but you;ll always stay young.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

TOday i had a very INTERESTING conversation with Ellis Yee Li Si.
Yes, we have pledged to arrange each others dates in JC.
I realised today how much i missed talking nonsense with Ellis.
because she makes me laugh SO MUCH.
Ok ellis you are my official best nonsense talker best friend. (the 'one and only')
and if you don't comment i shan't let you plan my date.
meh heh

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's day

Since its valentine's day and i have no boy to love, i shall write about someone else i love alot which is my sister.
I really love Hannah.
Sometimes i feel i pale in comparison to her achievements but she helps me and encourages me and makes me feel good about myself that this competitive feeling is fleeting and when i do feel it i feel guilty because i know that its silly and uncalled for and unnecessary.
I vividly remember once when Hannah and i had quarrelled with a neighbour and i was very upset and being the melodramatic person that i am i started crying, but Hannah hugged me and told me it was okay and comforted me and all, in front of the neighbours (thus risking even more embarrassment.)\
I also remember how she always played barbies and paper dolls and my little ponies with me even when she started getting older and those toys no longer held such attraction to her.
and when she randomly bought me a bag just to make me feel happy.
There's so many other times, and its impossible to write them down here and even though she can't read this because i haven;t invited her yet (i shall now though), i just want to say Hannah You Are the Best.

ebb and flow

I love music that just pours itself over you, and leaves that lingering aftertaste, the kind that leaves you moving to its current long after its over.


today during bio we learned what happens when a pregnant woman gives birth
and believe me, it sounds VERY VERY EXTREMELY painful.
i don't see how I'd ever be able to stand it.
My desk partner was so disturbed that she vowed never to give birth. ever. no matter what her husband wanted.
instead, she says she'll adopt.
when i told my mum that i considered following her opinion, she looked at me knowingly and said, you'll change your mind in time.
um, perhaps, but right now, i shudder to think...
anyway, i think we should all be extremely grateful to our own mothers for putting up with all that agony.
so go give her a big hug.

love me or let me go

You know that phrase, "if you love someone, you'll let him go" ?
Its complete and utter rubbish in my opinion.
If you love someone you won't stop trying. you'll never let go.
You'll watch and hurt as that person loves and is loved by others, but you'll never let go.
You'll keep clinging to the hope that the person might notice you and love you back with the intensity you loved him.
And if you let go, you never truly loved in the first place.
and that is my valentine's day insight.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Summer belonged to me

when will i see you again you lazy carefree sunny days, in felixstowe

the eye of the tiger

"Roman soldiers wore tiger's-eye for protection in battle. Tiger Eye was thought to be all seeing due to its appearance. "
i need eyes on the back of my head.
i'm so blur and unobservent that i could slap myself.
though if i had tiger eyes i wish they'd be able to look into hearts as well.

hush a bye baby

a friend of mine had a friend who told all her secrets. (not me, mind you)
which is of course horrible.
i just wanted to say thank you emily and cheezety for keeping my secret even though now its over and gone please still keep it a secret so no one will remember that embarrassing period of my life when i thought i was in love with X.

be my valentine

i love valentine's day.
i get to give and receive chocolate from my friends and bemoan our singleness and then convince the people who aren't moaning to find a reason to moan.
apart from that i find the cliche things sweet but predictable.
i have bought a whole bag of hersheys for my class so IF YOU ARE READING THIS GET READY
oh but you won't be reading this because my blog is private.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I need You back please come back

not on my strength but Yours.

running through my veins

i have stabbed my thumb with a staple bullet and it hurts like anything.
actually when i first realised that i had pricked myself i thought oh, my finger looks like the queen in snowwhite when she pricked herself with her embroidery needle and her bright red blood dripped on the white white snow (which was why she called her daughter snow white)
Then i thought i'm probably going to get blood poisoning.

thats not my name

yesterday i was walking in school and suddenly i saw a girl in a crescent uniform who looked terribly familiar.
She looked at me and said, "Miriam?" and i replied "Oh yes, hi,"
I forgot her name!
she had been a classmate of miine in primary school and i could not remember her name.
at all
this is terrible, i felt so bad. she remebered me but i didn;t remember her.

till the end

Will and Lyra:
"They spent their days on the wide hills, and in the heat of the afternoon they visited the gold ans silver grove. They talked, they bathed, they ate, they kissed, they lay in a trance of happiness murmuring words whose sound was as confused as their sense, and they felt they were melting in love"..."we should spend our whole lifetimes together, good long busy lives, and if we can't spend them together, we... we'll have to spend them apart."... " I want to live with you forever. I want to kiss you and lie down with you and wake up with you every day of my life till i die, years and years away. I don't want a memory, just a memory..."..." If you-maybe once a year-if we could come here at the same time, just for an hour or something, then we could pretend we were close again-because we would be close, if you sat here and i sat just here in my world..." " As long as i live..."

sorry, but i am just so so so sad now, for them. It's too tragic.

Friday, February 10, 2012

lickety split

today was an ice cream day

in a tight corner

today, after having delicious ice cream in ESTIVO's gelato :), i had to take the bus to my chinese tuition.
the bus (owing to the ridiculous amount of people concentrated in this tiny island) was full. Jammed full.
But of course, i was already very late so i squeezed myself on (being thin does have its perks)
unfortunately, being thin also meant i was subjected to being shoved into the corner of the bus near the door. Fine, i thought, i'll have an easier job when it comes to having to get off the bus.
I was sadly mistaken.
Before my stop, there were about 4 stops. In the first stop, as the doors opened, i found myself being pushed into the back of the person next to me. Not a nice experience.
before the next stop, i decided to stand next to the door, thinking that when it opened i would fit next to it.
I grossly underestimated my width.
so when the door opened, this time i wasn't pushed, i was squashed.
Wedged between the folding door and the edge of the coin collecting machine, as the door opened, i was squeezed.
it was painful, to say the least.
Flood of melodrama:
I could feel the hard rubber edge of the door digging into my ribs and slowly squeezing. My hips were being crushed, slowly, agonizingly. Wriggling awkwardly, i tried to extricate myself without drawing attention to myself, despite the conspicuousness of my position. but i was stuck, trapped.

Yes, i eventually got out when the door opened but i dare say someone will have bruises to show for this.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


recently i've been feeling drained.
i have brief bouts of animation when i'm in enjoyable company or talking about interesting things,
but other times i feel like a hour glass, with my vitality trickling away.

Monday, February 6, 2012


Today was my class photo which usually i hate because my un photo genicness makes me look strange in half of the photos i take but this time i was determined to make sure i looked presentable because its my last year in SCGS and despite the fact that i am looking forward to going to (hopefully) acjc, i do look at 2013 with some degree of trepidation namely because:
1. i'm afraid i will be unable to live up to the legacy that hannah has most probably blazed behind her by now. (of course i will make my mark in my own way but i just don't want all that expectation on me, you know?)
2.There will be boys and, quite frankly, i'm terrified of them (unless i've know them for ages)
3.I will be once again wrenched from the familiar and thrown into a maelstrom of newness and change
ANYWAY, this post was supposed to be about my thoughts about the mysterious and mind boggling photobooths. who know what goes on behind the curtain? when the light flashes and you emerge, blinking from the brightness, have you ever wondered what you might have seen in that temporary moment of blindness? are you truly as alone as you thought you were, behind those curtains? or is there someone operating the camera inside the skeleton of the booth? the mind boggles.
but photobooths are so endearing all the same


i am reading the phillip pullman series, which are renowned for being anti-christian and basically extremely atheist.
When i first read it (about 4 or 5 years ago?) i remember being totally and utterly confused. i couldn't understand phillip pullman's logic and so i kind of lost the plot somewhere along the line. i felt doubtful about my faith. I mean, what if phillip pullman was right?
This time i can follow, but now i realise how flawed his logic is. he attempts to refute the presence of God and yet he has to include him anyways. And for every other time he took a stab at Christianity in the book, i have stopped and thought and i realise that the Bible has answers that perfectly show how none of his accusations can possibly be true.
I'm glad because before reading the books (despite how many times i denied it), i was afraid reading the books would waver and shake my faith, and i didn't want to face the reality that i was a doubtful Thomas and didn;t truly believe my beliefs. But after reading it i realise it has helped me to see how despite the opposition Christianity faces in the world, it can;t be proven wrong.
and therefore, Christianity is right.
in fact, i was prompted by this pleasant new rediscovery that my faith in faith was stronger than i though that for class photo taking instead of bringing a soft toy or something silly (we were supposed to bring something that represented us) i brought 2 cardboard signs. one had 'one way' and an arrow pointing up drawn on it, symbolising my wish for my grades and faith to improve, as well as the hope that when i die there will only be one way up for me. the second sign had peace, love and Christ written on it, because from Christ springs peace and love, which i think are 2 of the things the world lacks most nowadays, and so the logical conclusion is that the world needs Christ and therefore i need to go forth and continue being a contagious christian (which i have not been very good at recently)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

for cheezety

who so kindly answered my previous post :)
with a very demanding answer...

1.Miriam yeo sze en. also known as mimao by emily and meeyum by my family and mimi by my neighbour and miri by my friend yings.

2.I am 15 going on 16
I know that i'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe

I am 15 going on 16 innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies
Drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those

Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken

I need someone
Older and wiser
Telling me what to do
ageless timeless god you're wisest
I'll depend on you

3. in alphabetical order: bramina, christy, emily, zenia

4. Single and contented (yes everyone...X is no more.)

5. one on each ear

6. i am content. though i do think more piercings is pretty on some people, i shudder to think of having to pierce my ears again.

7. None

8. i don't think ever. unless for medical purposes...

9. (favorite tumblr:

10. sleepingpolicemen are bumps in the road. it would be cool (albeit untruthful) to says that my blog was called that because i think life has speed bumps too. the truth is i didn;t think many people would guess it even when i told them the clue because not many people call those bumps sleepingpolicemen.

11. The rescues and westlife. timeless....

12. Life is beautiful. hands down touch the ground winner. for life..

13. i am a social chameleon and change how i am around people. i only am myself with people i trust, and people i love, and people that i know well enough to see that they won't avoid me for who i am.

14. in terms of physical being: my nose. in terms of social: number 13. look up

15. in terms of physical being: the veins on my wrists. in terms of social: how i laugh at everything because i genuinely find it funny

16. a vet. with farm animals. or a spy journalist in an exciting country like north Korea, helping smuggle people over to china and freedom while secretly being a journalist.

17. a nice dinner at a cosy place like starbucks or somewhere with nice desserts like island creamery and with someone i can talk to about everything and anything. this question reminds me of this thing zenia showed me which i found really sweet...
A guy wrote this for his girlfriend....

I met her on the 27th of January 2012 and that was day she changed my world.

She really wasn’t like the others, special and unique, something about her just made my heart weak.

So I went back to see her on Sunday, the same week and it seemed that all we did was speak.

That was all I asked for though, just some time to get to know

If she was the one for me, she seemed so perfect it seemed it was unrealistic for her to feel the same, you see.

As I left her house after a day of fun and meeting her hilarious and kind mum,

She walked me down the street from where I had come from.

A crack in the road pushed me next to her and before I knew it, her hand was wrapped around mine, almost if it was fate, I at least thought it was a sign. <3

So I bid my goodbyes and ran home fueled from my adrenaline pumping throughout my insides.

I texted her day and night to prove to her I was her one because I couldn’t let her go and frankly texting her was very fun.

So over a while my feelings grew and luckily enough she felt it too.

So we arranged a day to meet, one not too far.

One where I could do something romantic like sing a song or play on a guitar.

But I chose to go with something more to my heart, something sentimental, that showed her we would never grow apart.

So the day had come where I would finally ask her, my heart was beating faster and faster.

She came out of the lift, looking so beautiful as always, I pulled twelve roses from behind me and the pink colour from the roses reflecting in the glass walls filled the hallways.

I went in for a hug and held her close, and thought of what I would say,

I was about to the ask the question that carries an answer that could either make or break my day.

I came back from the hug and looked into her lush brown eyes, full of mystery, full of surprise.

I tilted her chin and took a deep breath, knowing my question could go badly, remembering this moment till my death.

After a moment that felt like forever I was able to gather my words and asked her if she wanted to be together.

The last thing I remember was her lips on mine, bloody hell.

That was definitely the best day of mine.

(what i find the best about this is that the guy took the initiative to ask the girl if they could be together...i need someone to ask me because i could never be sure enough to ask myself)

18. nothing. i can't hate. i think if i ever did really truly hate something or someone it would eat me up on the inside and i would become a bitter vengeful hag.

19. chocolate and cliches

20. drowning. though recently i heard drowning was one of the best deaths one could wish for. almost euphoric. but i can't.... i just can't envision it.

21. the longness of it...dragging on and onnnnnnnnn
23. i had to google this and from what i gather, i turn on is something attractive and there it means my answer is the same as number 22.

24. uncleanliness, in body and mind and humour (aka no that's what she said jokes. i detest them)

25. when leonardo da vinci was painting the last supper, he originally painted the face of Judas Iscariot as one of his own personal enemies. After that, he found he was unable to paint the face of Jesus. It was only after he redid the face of Judas and forgave his enemy that he could paint the face of Jesus.


27.  i am going to fail fail fail.

28. this is a redundant question since i don't hate anyone. I don;t believe in hating people. Hating people is how wars, genocides and murders come about.

29. At home on tuesday because i was sick of being sick. then i watched the trailer for my sister's keeper and i realised i was wallowing in self pity.

30. personality. bad looks can be outgrown, corrected or just loved and accepted by oneself and ones friends/family. bad looks only hurt one person, and only if that person lets herself be bothered by her looks. but a bad personality has a lasting impression on oneself and others, and gives out a stink like toast when you leave it to burn


Thursday, February 2, 2012

secondary school friends

my brother just asked me how many facebook friends i have. when he realised i have more then him he said "it doesn't matter, Cos i already have so many, and i'm not even in secondary school, so by the time i;m in secondary school I'll have MORE (than me i presume)"

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


and also to me for recovering from my sore throat. this does not deserve to be up here with the other important news so i shall cross it out.