Dusky Swifts and Psalm 91

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 Jacob and I recently finished David Attenborough’s documentary series Seven Worlds, One Planet. Attenborough is an icon, the documentary series was so well shot, and there was laughter and tears as we went through all seven episodes/continents. In the South America episode, the final segment was about dusky swifts, which have made their home under the roaring waters of a man made dam. Though tons of water pour from above them, they manage miraculously to fly through it and make their nests on the walls beneath the waterfall, where they are safe and out of reach predators. The water, however, is still dangerous and baby swifts who are less adept at flying can sometimes be swept to their deaths, particularly when the water volume increases. And yet many survive, and thrive in this relationship with what might seem terrifying.

This reminded me of the psalm that our pastor has been repeating in these uncertain times. Psalm 91, which begins: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”


Aside from being a psalm which has bird imagery (He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge), this beautiful psalm reminded me of the dusky swifts and their wall. I thought of them dwelling in the shelter of the high wall, which, because they live there and are familiar with it, is their place of safety. I thought of how in these uncertain times where we face an invisible virus, not knowing where or who is safe, we can know that God gives protection and peace to those who draw near to Him and draw from Him. 

There are Christians who have fallen ill and died from this virus. But for those Christians who dwelt with God in life, seeking Him and living and loving as He shows us – there is not a single one of them who are not with God now, in the safest place. 

My Refuge and My Fortress

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

    and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his pinions,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,

    nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,

    ten thousand at your right hand,

    but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes

    and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—

    the Most High, who is my refuge —

no evil shall be allowed to befall you,

    no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you

    to guard you in all your ways.

On their hands they will bear you up,

    lest you strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the adder;

    the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;

    I will protect him, because he knows my name.

When he calls to me, I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble;

    I will rescue him and honour him.

With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”

Redeeming my what ifs

Joanna Goddard recently wrote about an anxiety trick which works for her - turning your what if's around so that rather than dress-rehearsing tragedy we imagine possibilities of joy and peace.

I had the chance to practice this last week. I'd been tasked to bake a birthday cake for my boss, who is great and really supportive and I really wanted to make an utterly delicious cake. I'd eaten a wonderful chocolate hazelnut cake at Jacob's house, made by his top home-chef mum, and I asked her for the recipe, bought ingredients, and started mixing dry ingredients on Wednesday. I baked the cake on Thursday when I got home, but forgot that oven temperatures differ and that I should always check before the time is up - and when so I took the cakes out they were dry.

I panicked.

I hoped that the ganache would help, but it didn't, and so on the morning of bringing it to work, a very frazzled Miriam and her very patient mum poked holes into the cake and moistened them with water - not ideal. Thanks to Mum's help and Hannah kindly offering to take a grab with me to work, I got to work in one piece (and so did the cake), put it in the fridge and tried miserably to forget about it.

I read Goddard’s article during a toilet break, as I tried to breathe calmly in the cubicle, and told Jacob about what I read. I practiced what-ifs of possibility: ‘What if the cake is fine and people focus on just being together and celebrating Daniel?’ ‘What if the water trick worked?’ ‘What if people don’t actually judge me based on my ability to bake?’ And he helped with ‘What if this is your first step in a month of making lots of people happy on their birthdays and your cakes for J and the new person go well too and the office is full of joy?’

In the end, it was fine. People really enjoyed the cake, and despite having 400g of flour in it (and pretty much the same amount of sugar, plus hazelnut meal, plus other ingredients) most of it was eaten! I brought some home for my family and Jacob, and they liked it too. I’m baking another cake for a colleague tomorrow.

The thing is, I care way too much about what people think of me. I care way too much about how I perform, terrified of disappointing people. I also care way too much about the things, trivial or otherwise, which I base my identity on which are not God. I want to be assured, rooted in a love that will not let me go, and courageously loving those around me – ‘for the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline’. (2 Timothy 1:7)

And so,

what if

           the Creator of all things watched over me?

what if

           the perfect one of Heaven called me 'good and faithful servant'?

what if 

           I held closely to the understanding that nothing can separate us from the love of God?