Saturday, November 23, 2013

9) self control

bye old food




For some reason i can always remember that self control is the ninth 'good fruit'
maybe it's cos it's really difficult
sort of like 9 times tables (that doesn't make sense but)

Anyway

I have imposed upon myself a chocolate ban (the last chocolate ban was easter-for lent)
No chocolate until i return home from vietnam

i feel like i eat too many unhealthy things

so now i'm changing my baking style

from chocoalte chip this and molten chocolate that

to oatmeal raisin cinnamon cookies (made today)

and apple streusal
and cinnamon rolls (my projects)

i'll leave the red velvets for christmas since they are marginally more unhealthy and so it'll be a christmas indulgence

LET'S BE HEALTHY

(i don't know how i'm going to control myself. But if i can't control myself now how will i survive food ban for track next year???)

hi new food 





scin til late



Today choir was so awesome

First, the sops sounded pretty decent (so proud of my section :') ) and the tenors were alright even though they only had ONE person present (thank god for returning seniors)

And then we ssang all the carols we haven't done for ages which was a nice change:
Quem pastores
Noel Nouvelet
Winter wonderland (Love needs no seasoonnnnn love needs no climmeeeeee romance can blossommmm any old timeeeeeee)

And we even got Haozhe to try the solo for Winter wonderland which was nice and funny as well because he was so earnest when he sang it but at the same time he was so nervous hahaha i stopped midway and everyone stopped too and madam looked at him and he mumbled 'Carson said i have to wait fopr madam' HAHAHAHA

then the alumni choir came in after bun break

and

oh
my
gawd

their voices

so so so

the girl i was sitting next to and susanna were the only 2 sops and they sounded so pure just like angels and the shimmer you see on the top of soap bubbles or when light reflects off of a wave

and they all sang this beautiful song (WHICH I CAN'T REMEMBER) and my ears oh my heart i was lifted up and put in heaven

beautiful

Friday, November 22, 2013

21/11/2013




 yesterday night i laid the table for 5 instead of 4

in other words

Hannah's back




Baking projects





This holiday i want to master

Red velvet Cupcakes

and Cinnamon rolls

be my guinea pigs?


Camp Pandan


I always thought I'd be a good mum

Well, not the giving birth part (my mum sometimes looks at me and sighs and says 'How on earth are you going to give birth?') which honestly scares just about everything inside me

But the caring for the kids part. the making their lives meaningful and fun. The loving them and cherishing them and lifting them high part. I thought it would come naturally because in all honesty i love kids.

There' something so great about how kids don't judge you. About how they trust you implicitly. About how they see most things in black and white and they're so easy to read. About how they give love so easily and are so easy to love in return.

And so i was really looking forward to Camp Pandan, where along with the other facilitators, I'd be looking after 30 odd kids for 3 days and 2 nights.

When i got there, the first thing i saw were kids running everywhere. Screaming, shrieking, running, jumping. Everywhere.

Undaunted, i jumped right in and started playing and giving piggy backs and teaching them how to play mary had a little lamb and happy birthday on the piano

After that we played freeze and melt. Apart from when Chun tat fell and scraped his arm up pretty bad, the only other eventful thing that happened was that one little boy (in my group-i call him Bruno mars (later i found out his real name is Shahindra)) got spit on by another little boy (i call him little baldie. He wasn't very nice throughout the camp) but thankfully he was very mature about it and instead of fighting, he just walked off and sat down and calmed down. (Tbh he never really liked that little boy after that)

That night was the campfire and lots and lots of piggy backing (my hips oh my hips) and smoke (i spent about half and hour or more squatting with bruno mars because he really liked cooking the satay and otah although he didn't eat much of it) before we went back in for bed

The next morning, Rachel Chan and i woke up at 5 (call me human) to get ready for choir. We changed into our panty hose in the corridor under the gaze of a few lizards and a dragonfly, praying all the while for no one to wake up and see us hopping around in our kebaya skirts as we tugged that stupid nylon up hahahaaa

Then when we went to the empty courtyard to get out of the campsite

the gate was locked

so we had to climb up the dusty white gate in our tight kebaya skirts (praying all the while that they wouldn't split) and then get ourselves over and down the other side. Rachel got kind of stuck because on the top she told me that she was afraid of heights...but thankfully a kind old man on his morning walk helped her down.

So began our journey to Faith Methodist Church to sing for Mrs Chan

The performance itself was lovely. I was surprised (and so were the teachers) at how quickly we managed to get ready and peak, judging from the (relatively terrible) practice on saturday. The same can't be said for the sermon though unfortunately because since i'd had such a tiring day and early start, i was dozing off throughout and had to keep pinching myself to stay conscious.

The ride back was nice because i had some alone time on the bus to (sleep) and read and people watch.

Then i went full on into playing with the kids again, and preparing for the amazing race

Unfortunately it rained, so a few of the kids got pretty reluctant and we had to bribe them with piggy back rides. But i was really proud of the boys in my group (Bruno mars/Shahindra and One direction/Yuvan) because they really went full on into the challenges and they got the best time for the turning over the newspaper challenge and Bruno mars skipped the most number of times in the skipping rope challenge (38)

And then i met Weixin at the MRT station (of course she look fab and pristine and i was a sweaty mess hahahaha) which was fabulous. Seeing her made me realise HOW LONG I HAVEN'T SEEN HER FOR and also that i still have her raffles PE shorts hehehe. Anyway she hugged me despite my sweaty-mess ness and bestfriendhugs are probably one of the best feelings in the world

That night i had the BIG SHOWER SHOWDOWN with one of the girls in my group. Basically she didn't want to shower. at. all. because the water was cold and her foot hurt and she'd rather be skipping.

It took about half an hour of begging and carrying and pleading and threatening and bribing before she'd step into the girls' toilet, and i was so close to losing my patience but thank goodness i held it in. She finally got showering (hooray) and i went back to playing with the other children.

i think it was around there when i began playing with the malay family-Aain, Putri, Intan, Radiana and the 'baby' boy Ikram.
Aain is incredibly mature and she took care of the rest of her family so well, while still enjoying herself.
Putri iw very funny in my opinion. She kept collecting all the free things: extra tins of soup/bottles of water/rubberbands/badges/t shirts and putting them in a big box to bring home for her family to enjoy.
Intan has the biggest eyes you've ever seen, and she's kind of gangstery in a littel girl way. She gets very het up when anyone (usually Brunomars) annoys her sisters
Radiana is the sweetest little girl. She has a mess of black hair and no front teeth and eyes that sparkle all the time. I was her personal shoulder piggy back person haha (although sometimes she chose gid instead cos he's taller)
Ikram seems like a cute little baby-big eyes, no front teeth and very very chubby. But. BUT. Once when we were playing blow wind blow and he got caught he flipped the finger. Ben and i were so surprised we couldn't stop laughing hahaha

Anyway the reason i loved that family so much was because they were so humble and so ready to share what little they had and they weren't demanding at all (not something i could say for all the children) If you told them you were tired from carrying so many other kids they wouldn't sulk they'd say "it's Ok. Maybe later?"

That night we had a surprise celebration because it was Aain's birthday and she was so happy when she saw the cake we had prepared she had tears in her eyes. Radiana and Intan had been so sweet, promising to keep the secret and so excited for there sister. It was incredibly heartwarming.

Before we went to bed that night, Intan came over and asked Vanessa and I: "why can't you sleep next to us?"

And I was so touched that she trusted us that much. Unfortunately facils weren't supposed to sleep with the kids (Mostly because we were all going to sleep rather late that last night) so we had to tell her no but we promised to find her the next morning.

That night was pretty fun, whisper singing with the trackers and talking with people. i feel like when people are in that sleepy interlude between consciousness and dreams they let go a little more, they're a little more affectionate and accepting, and you can be a little silly with the safety that they probably won't remember much the next day. (i myself can't remember that much haha apart from singing eternal flame and trying to prevent Ben from showing everyone my embarrassing baby pictures)

The next morning was a rush of trying to spend as much time with the kids as possible because we knew that it was almost over. It was strange-just 3 days (minus some since i'd been out for choir here and there) and yet i felt such a strong attachment and sense of responsibility to the kids.

I sat next to Radiana on the bus ride home and felt so sad when she asked

"can you bring me swimming?"

"when?"

"tomorrow?"

"oh but i'm so busy tomorrow"

"tomorrow tomorrow?"

Life's seasons are so short

Still at least i managed to keep in contact with the family (the wonders of modern technology) so i don't feel like it was just an interlude

Wednesday, November 20, 2013



Suddenly missing my girls Wei Xin and Ellis so much :(

WHERE HAS MY FREE TIME GONE

i love you guys
i think we should go to carpenter and cook ASAP
or necessary provisions

i have so much to tell ya'll!!!!!


gains



i knew that when i joined track i would get
well
bigger

Then when it came to measuring height and weight in school
i almost fell off the weighing scale
because in the span of about 5 months
i gained about 5 kilos!
which
honestly
scared me

And then my ballet teacher told me today that
she could see my arm muscles
and back (?) muscles

which for some strange reason made me eel so embarrassed and wish my leotard was long a baggy instead of strappy sleeves
to be honest
i wanted to hide myself

which is actually pretty silly

recently an acquaintance has been posting on facebook about how 'macho' 'muscular' woman are their own breed of beautiful, not conforming to the stereotypical, 'mainstream' waif thin mysterious beauty or the sexy curvy voluptuous attractiveness. And i thought it was so brave. and so good.

But i didn't fully agree with her

Because in my mind thin is beautiful. There's something so attractive about the vulnerability that thin-ness conveys. I know you shouldn't have this boxed up compartment of beautiful and not beautiful in you mind. But just like i love blue and yellow and find neon green and pink disturbing...thin just appeals more.

But why can't i see the strength that track gives me as beautiful

Vanity is working against me vanity just wants to bring me down
Keep me where the light is

HAIM



i kind of really love this song



(also there was a comment on the video that said ' i think HAIM should change their name to HAIR cos in their videos i see them always swooshing their hair everywhere' which for some reason i found hilarious)

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

in the beginning was the word



the poem from like crazy

i thought i understood it
thought i could grasp it
but i didn't
not really
only the smudegness of it
the pink slippered all containered semi precious eagerness of it
i didn't realise it would sometimes be more than whole
the wholeness
was a rather luxurious idea
because its the halves that halve you in half
didn't know
don't know 
about the in between bits
the gorey bits of you
and gorey bits of me

Last Sunday School



i really liked the last Sunday school lesson of the year
i felt like every shared something more than just

oh pray for studies
oh pray for a closer walk

I realised i don't/didn't know about so many things that were happening/happened in other people's lives
and that when i thought about it we all go through such strange lives
but for some reason life doesn't scar us on the surface

i'll miss the year above us i feel like the people in that class were really enthusiastic and serious about learning everything they could
thirsty-that's the word