Who is my God

So yesterday I had this huge meltdown in the bathtub over who my God was because I suddenly felt like I didn't know I knew who I thought he was but I felt like I was learning that he was different which frightened me and saddened me

It was like if you came home after school one day and opened the front door and someone had painted the walls black and pushed all the furniture around into the wrong places and put your shoes in the kitchen and the apples in the shoe rack

I fell asleep still so troubled

But then I woke up early this morning, and lay on the sofa beside the white grilled window, and watched the rain dripppppping off the leaves of the big tree that has been outside my house for as long as I remember

And I know and I was certain and I AM certain

That the God I've loved and yearned for since I was small

Is still my God now

He's the God of sunshine and hugs, thunder storms and huge wrenching sobs that always feel better after everything is out. He's a God that cares for me whenever I am broken and who is so complex that there's an ocean of things to learn and learn about him.

He is not stagnant or predictable.
He is not rigid or archaic.
He is not over demanding or belittling.

He loves my happiness and my joy, and he certainly certainly isn't there to make my life a misery of fear and limits and boredom

I love my God, I love him so much and I hope you find him too. I hope you realise he isn't just what you learn in church, he's all around you.

I still have questions, like

Do we need the Bible to know God? Could someone in the middle of a rainforest with no access to the globalised literate world still find God in his splendificent surroundings and the quiet or his heart?

I believe he could

Because God is everywhere and I am so glad he is