/Read over this and realise how complain-y I sound - I shouldn't be. I am safe and warm and have just received my Sainsbury's delivery and have a comfortable life/
This dissertation I am writing this dissertation is writing me I can't tell you how
shrivelled and disgusting you feel after spending a whole day sitting and typing. Particularly after spending days wandering streets, going on boats, digging toes into sand - that is what the human body was meant to do, move, explore, breathe in different air and laugh and speak and worship in joy.
I read a quote about how every moment in life passed is a moment closer to death and mourned all the moments today spent typing because I would rather be out walking the fields and creating art (for some reason I have had the strangest compulsion these last few days to create some sort of art piece/exhibition)
And that is how I know this dissertation is going badly - good writing progresses faster and I feel more invested and interested in what I write. This dissertation has morphed into something I didn't quite intend initially, and seems altogether too intellectual to me. Also I ask myself why it matters? It matters for my exams - do they matter? I'm not sure. Yes, because I want to be a responsible daughter, scholarship holder, and don't want to squander the education I am receiving by not doing my best. No, because exams are not an accurate measure of intelligence, not the only beginning of life, not worth sacrificing health and joy for.
Brief respite occurred when I took a blanket out into the garden and lay on the grass while typing. But it soon got too cold and I headed back indoors.
I talked a lot to the cat, and decided that I am too cold towards it and should show it more love.
Subsisting on cereal, porridge and hummus sandwiches.
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