Name songs

Recently my friend introduced me to this absolutely brilliant song calles Laura by Bat for Lashes

 

and it's so haunting and beautiful it makes you wish your name was laura

There are so many other songs with names in them

Like
Betty Davis Eyes
Hey Jude
Sweet Caroline
Billy Jean
Beth
Grace Kelly
Valerie

But i thought there was no song for me
No song called Miriam

But one day (yesterday actually) i stumbled across a song called Miriam!
By Norah Jones

unfortunately (after the initial excitement of finding a ME song and listening to it) i realised that the songs is about Miriam who stole away Norah Jones' man and Morah Jones is seeking revenge.

And so the entire song was uncomfortable, not to mention creepy

Miriam/That's such a pretty name/I'm going to say it when i make you cry
Miriam/you know you've done me wrong/I'm going to smile when you say goodbye
Miriam/ that's such a pretty name/and i'll keep saying it until you die

/i'm going smile when i take your life/

fantastic

https://www.moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/1380

literature deja vu

Its slightly creepy how my literature text is so true to my life right now
of course there are no women falling for crossed dressed women falling for men who think that they're a man
(12th night)
But there are the same love intricacies (minus the cross dressing and confused gender roles) and baiting (Malvolio-thankfully we put an end to that) and sibling worries (what will i do when Hannah is gone?) and of course the Carpe Diem-ness of Feste's song

summery summery

Meeting up with Wei xin and Ellis two of the loves of my life was so wonderful and the best part was how it almost unhappened (in Wei xin's case) and how it was so spontaneous (in Ellis' case)

So i was supposed to meet Wei xin for lunch with her class but no i couldn't because of a history lecture i had to listen to and so instead we decided to meet for dinner at tiong bahru plaza

BUT

God decided to make it pour with rain and so i got soaking wet in the 5 minutes walkrun to the bus stop and also missed the bus (5.54) and so we decided to meet at Da Paolo instead even though in my miserable wet cat state i was almost ready to just go home and fix myself hot chocolate and take off my clingy wet panst and wear my big turquoise sweater and read (what a selfish creature i am i know) But thankfully Wei xin is a determined person and so she convinced me to wait for the next bus (6.30) and go to Da paolo for dinner.

And so i did

And i got a cottage pie and a Bayley Waddle t-shirt (thanks Wei xin, I am now officially part of the Raffles/Ruffles/Waffles family too) and she got a chocolate chip scone and a TCT house shirt (Wei xin is now part of the ACJC fantastic full of fun fantabulous faithful family) And it was just like old times we just talked and laughed and scolded each other and confided our fears and worries and school stuff

And then she called Ellis and asked her to GET HER BUTT RIGHT HERE NOW even though she had church and stuff just because we were desperate to see her and she came and it was the three of us at Island Creamery (though i was the only one who got actual ice cream hahaha) and we were talking so fast because there was so much to say and i felt so fulfilled from the cottage pie and the ice cream and the conversation and i wanted to stay as long as i could the whole night even but i had ballet and i had to go but

we'll see each other again
soon
we promised

Nice smells

You know how everyone has a particular smell?

My grandma for example smells of rose soap and soft powder
My dad smells of Johnson baby powder and sometimes coffee and something else i can't really put my finger on
Tim smells of soft skin and smelly toys when he's sleeping

This probably all doesn't make sense to you
It doesn't matter
this wasn't meant to be a post documenting all the individual smells of people i know

It was supposed to be about this afternoon
I went for the Acjc Kronos strings concert (which was very beautiful  i used to be very against the sound of violin's but after today i realise how divine they sound) and part way through, i felt cold, so the friend i went with offered me a jacket

And for some reason, i just couldn't get over how lovely the jacket smelled. It was a heady scent like sandalwood and this Arabian perfume my mum used to wear, and at the same to a homely warm smell like  a hug. So i was just wallowing in beautiful smells and sounds this entire afternoon.

And yes that was my afternoon

Plus in the morning there was choir and everyone sang relatively well and the music was so beautiful especially when we sang it in the echoey sunken gallery and i just felt such love and thankfulness that God made music for us to enjoy.

Plus i cycles home in the dark dark dark on my bicycle whizzing past trees and on deserted pavements especially along a stretch where the street lights weren't working it was a wonderful feeling like i was the only person in the world at the moment. Everything else was so dark and quiet and still.

Laos in pictures

this is terribly messy and a terrible representation of one of the best holidays of my life

but i've been procrastinating and telling myself that i'd write a long rambly lovely recount of the holiday but i realise that's never going to happen because of my lack of time and other stuff

she sings

I take back anything i said about her not being able to sing she sings beautifully wonderfully clearly
I love this version of her, it's much more vulnerable and peaceful and just much more edifying to listen to
but i won't spoil the songs with over talking about them, because here i think the music speaks for itself

Open up your heart and let me pull you out

I think coming to AC has made me more extroverted in some ways
I've learnt to be able to comfortably say Hi to friends of friends
and make small talk and not be too awkward
I still have moments where the constant effort to talk and laugh overwhelms me especially on days when i'm tired or nervous about something but in times like those i usually just plug my earphones in and listen to music like "Fragile-Dustin O Halloran"
I still think i'm more introverted-talking still exhausts me, and i still usually wait for someone to wave to me or introduce themselves before i do, but i do think that having to make so many connections (be they shallow or deeper) has made me less averse to the idea of telling someone about a part of who i am

Fat talk

I know i'm thin and i know that i'm most definitely not fat
But
that doesn't mean i always believe it, or think it's enough
And so, sometimes i forget to appreciate the beautiful body God gave me, and selfishly wish i could look prettier, skinnier, fairer, and just more aesthetically appealing.
And so, at the end of last year and beginning of this year, i was awfully conscious about my weight.
I'd look at the airbrushed photos of beautiful models like Barbara Palvin , and compare my own disheveled self with them.
I'd wish for thinner thighs, prominent cheek bones. I'd check if i had a thigh gap, if my fingers could encircle my wrists, if my stomach protruded out of my shorts.
I didn't do anything stupid like starve myself or exercise like crazy. I like food much too much for that
But I'd just wish that i looked different
And although i got over it somewhat because i decided to fast from looking at ridiculously perfect model pictures, and stop myself from wishing i looked like them, my bad conception continued unconsciously, because i'd tag instagram photos with hashtags like "fat", or "calories" or "immabecomefat" and things like that, indirectly guilt tripping myself whenever i ate something unhealthy.
But thank God for chastising me for my silliness. He told me through a friend that my actions were not only stupid, but dangerous.
Every time i posted a hashtag like that, i'd guilt trip other people too. Every time i lamented about my size, I'd make other people compare themselves to me, and think that they too had to wish to be thinner. Which is why is stopped. why let other people suffer from this same debilitating self deprication that plagues me on and off? Why let others think they re less beautiful than they actually are?
No more fat tags for me ever ever ever

Pancakes

Last Sunday i woke up earlier than usual and went on a manic cooking spree and made pancakes for the family
And these pancakes were honestly the best pancakes i have ever made
they were crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside and altogether heavenly
And so
because i think good food should be shared among everyone
Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS

3/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons white vinegar
1 cup all purpose flour
2 table spoons white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
2 tablespoons butter, melted
cooking oil

DIRECTIONS

1. combine milk&vinegar in a bowl and set aside for 5 minutes to sour

2. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and set aside

3.Whisk egg and butter into sour milk

4. Pour the flour mixture into the wet ingredients and whisk until all the lumps are gone

5. Heat a frying pan and coat it with cooking oil

6. Pour spoonfuls of the batter onto the heated pan

7. When you see bubbles, flip it over and cook it on it's other side

Just saying, mother's day is this Sunday, and i think many mother's like pancakes

snail mail

I GOT MY FIRST LETTER FROM BRAMINA IN PHILADELPHIA
i was literally tearing and smiling like a lunatic after getting it
I miss her so much
You really do only appreciate your friends after they go away
but the best thing is we still 'get' each other even though we're oceans away from each other.
She signed off with
"A single day past is a single day closer to the next time i see you"
i can't wait till she comes back
excuse me while i go and dive through photo albums and try not to cry