the not so fantastic picnic

Last monday was planned picnic day.

I don;t know, maybe my escapist mind had great expectation but somehow everything felt (to me at least, i do hope the others had a good time) flat and shallow and exasperating

After shopping in the morning, we got home and i started preparing for the picnic.
I was so disappointed that most of my frends didn't help AT ALL. or even offer.
only weixin and ellis were most kind and helped prepare the milo and carry the things downstairs.grace was also sweet and tried to help here and there. and she made potato salad which is a plus point

later my sister told me that while i was going round frantically finding picnic mats and getting food and drinks ready, most of my friends were in the lounge taking photographs without me.
having fun while i was toiling for their subsequent enjoyment.

to quote romeo and juliet

"God's bread! it makes me mad!"

and what was worse was that my MOTHER was also helping and working and preparing with me, heating up the apple pie, directing me ellis and weixin as we made the milo.

suffice to say my mother and sister and brother have a very bad impression of my friends and only consider ellis, weixin, grace to be nice girls

later when we were eating the picnic, i just felt the conversation was so meaningless, you know?
about boys and stuff and i didn't even need to listen
so while we played truth or dare i just focused on the apple pie.

and then one person started talking about sick stuff and i was so grossed out i put my fingers in my ears which is rude but i hate it when people talk so crassly and make light of issues with such gravity.
What makes it worse is that the bible said flee from sexual immorality in corinthians(which i suppose includes listening to such things) and i know i don't always manage to but when i do, i do.

i don't know.
the picnic just made me so disappointed with my friends.
i begin to question if they really are my friends.
i know i wouldn't tell all of them my secrets, my hopes and fears and stories.
only ellis and weixin i would tell but i don't think i would confide in any of the others.

i don't know.

i could probably count on one hand the girls in SCGS i'd really trust to confide in.
ellis
yings
chari
weixin
(megan doesn't count cos she isn't in SCGS)
(emily also doesn't count cos i consider her a chirch/childhood friend not a school friend <3)

I don't know

may be i just need a break from that group