This year, I decided to hold a word as my 'word of the year': a word to go through and grow through this year with. The word I chose was 'devotion'.
The word 'devotion' in the bible (greek - προσκαρτερῶ) has its roots in words meaning strength and perseverance, attention to one thing or adherence to one person. I wanted to be attentive (Mary Oliver, after all, said that attention is the beginning of devotion) in my interactions, giving myself wholly in conversations and time with people, with God, with my work and my running. I suppose you could think of it as being a fully present person at any one point.
God was so good a the beginning of the year, giving me reminders of devotion (when cycling down to see Jacob on that wondrous St Martin in the Fields day I passed a statue that had the very word inscribed onto it in big capital letters) and giving me the strength to actually be single-mindedly attentive in what I did. Spending time with someone (or someones) and being absolutely invested in the present, not planning ahead for the minutes and hours after or worrying about what you left undone in the past, is so liberating and makes time with people so special. I feel this more acutely in London, where it is far more difficult to arrange a meeting with someone, so when you do see each other the time seems surrounded by a palpable halo of preciousness. Something did worry me though - devotion requires rather a lot of giving of yourself to that thing. A half-hearted devotee is a creature of oxymoron, but I wondered how I could retreat and rest, and still throw myself into this life whole heartedly?
On a run a while ago, I realised something that quite simply cleared every thing up (from a theoretical point of view - practice takes practise):
You only need to be devoted to one thing.
After all, you can only be devoted to one thing, or you change the definition of the word. Devotion requires adherence/attention to one thing or person - and I have no doubt in my mind who that shall be. Teach me Lord, I thought, to be devoted to you. Because where devotion to other things asks that I give my all to them alone, devotion to God means attention and love to my neighbours, honouring my time and my work and my body. But the attention and purpose I approach all else with is rooted in the strength and perseverance that comes from God.
In practice this has meant sacrificing my 'goals' and the intentions behind what I do apart from God (for instance, maintaining a good grade average, getting faster/stronger in track, finishing every bit of reading, only eating healthy meals...) and letting him lead me. It hasn't meant I don't care about these areas - in fact, I care more about them because I see them as areas to use God's gifts and express my thanks to him in creative ways. It just means that the end point, where my eyes are fixed upon, is always (ideally, though obviously not realistically) God's glory rather than measures of success in these areas. It has meant that I've felt a lot less anxious, a lot more joyful, and learnt a lot more about God's character which has meant worship has become so much more of a real and a living part of my life in and out of church. I'm excited to see what the rest of the year teaches me and how that will change me...
When I walk out into the world, I take no thoughts with me. That’s not easy, but you can learn to do it. An empty mind is hungry, so you can look at everything longer, and closer. Don’t hum! When you listen with empty ears, you hear more. And this is the core of the secret: Attention is the beginning of devotion.
-Mary Oliver
The word 'devotion' in the bible (greek - προσκαρτερῶ) has its roots in words meaning strength and perseverance, attention to one thing or adherence to one person. I wanted to be attentive (Mary Oliver, after all, said that attention is the beginning of devotion) in my interactions, giving myself wholly in conversations and time with people, with God, with my work and my running. I suppose you could think of it as being a fully present person at any one point.
God was so good a the beginning of the year, giving me reminders of devotion (when cycling down to see Jacob on that wondrous St Martin in the Fields day I passed a statue that had the very word inscribed onto it in big capital letters) and giving me the strength to actually be single-mindedly attentive in what I did. Spending time with someone (or someones) and being absolutely invested in the present, not planning ahead for the minutes and hours after or worrying about what you left undone in the past, is so liberating and makes time with people so special. I feel this more acutely in London, where it is far more difficult to arrange a meeting with someone, so when you do see each other the time seems surrounded by a palpable halo of preciousness. Something did worry me though - devotion requires rather a lot of giving of yourself to that thing. A half-hearted devotee is a creature of oxymoron, but I wondered how I could retreat and rest, and still throw myself into this life whole heartedly?
On a run a while ago, I realised something that quite simply cleared every thing up (from a theoretical point of view - practice takes practise):
You only need to be devoted to one thing.
After all, you can only be devoted to one thing, or you change the definition of the word. Devotion requires adherence/attention to one thing or person - and I have no doubt in my mind who that shall be. Teach me Lord, I thought, to be devoted to you. Because where devotion to other things asks that I give my all to them alone, devotion to God means attention and love to my neighbours, honouring my time and my work and my body. But the attention and purpose I approach all else with is rooted in the strength and perseverance that comes from God.
In practice this has meant sacrificing my 'goals' and the intentions behind what I do apart from God (for instance, maintaining a good grade average, getting faster/stronger in track, finishing every bit of reading, only eating healthy meals...) and letting him lead me. It hasn't meant I don't care about these areas - in fact, I care more about them because I see them as areas to use God's gifts and express my thanks to him in creative ways. It just means that the end point, where my eyes are fixed upon, is always (ideally, though obviously not realistically) God's glory rather than measures of success in these areas. It has meant that I've felt a lot less anxious, a lot more joyful, and learnt a lot more about God's character which has meant worship has become so much more of a real and a living part of my life in and out of church. I'm excited to see what the rest of the year teaches me and how that will change me...
When I walk out into the world, I take no thoughts with me. That’s not easy, but you can learn to do it. An empty mind is hungry, so you can look at everything longer, and closer. Don’t hum! When you listen with empty ears, you hear more. And this is the core of the secret: Attention is the beginning of devotion.
-Mary Oliver
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