2/12/2016

Perhaps starting with yesterday would be a place, a time, less gone.

I made a list of things I needed to do (I run my life of lists - listless - listen - enlist - cellist - evangelist) and didn't get the first one done (fix camera - the camera shop man didn't know what was wrong with it and would take up to 10 days to get a diagnosis) but did buy some euro: 3 days. (now 2) When I was pulling off the road and on to the pavement on my bicycle I had to move to avoid someone pulling off the pavement onto the road, and in doing so I blocked a woman in a wheelchair who was crossing the road and her accompanying male (husband? brother? son? friend?) angrily said 'Oi!', but she tried to shush him.

I got into Downing late-but-early, and helped Tim set out the chairs, and when the others had come we sang together and then decided to pray in pairs. I told Tim (again) how I've been struggling to feel the presence of God, although I know and feel His love. Love without closeness, a long distance relationship. Tim took out his Bible, flipped to a page in John and put his hand on my shoulder and spoke:

'My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.

[...]

If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. [...] I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.'

Eyes closed, I had an imagining. (I don't want to say a vision, because it wasn't) I remembered the Tales of Karensa I had read as a child, and how Petroc, when he was about to be executed, saw Salvis (the allegorical Jesus figure off the tales) kneeling beside him, always with him. I could feel Tim's hand on my right shoulder, but I imagined Jesus on my left, His hand on my other shoulder, His eyes loving-kind.

During the actual meeting, we talked about what JustLove has done (it was so encouraging to look over all the stuff from this term: Unashamed/Tending the Garden/Embrace Cambridge/Romsey Mill/CICCU connections/Prayer/Just Lunches...) and hopes to do, but more importantly we thought about how to proclaim Jesus in everything we do, how our work is a form of evangelism in showing people the saving grace of Jesus in the most practical ways (like providing sleeping bags to the homeless), and how in the relationships we build with others through our work we can keep creating relationships centred on the love of Jesus.

We broke banana bread and ate it. And it was so very good.

On the cycle back, a brass band was playing Christmas Carols, I bought some new panties to replace my 'aged 10-12' raggedy ones, and I sat in my room, overwhelmed by love for Cambridge - this city, its people, the God that watches over it, the people I love not in this city with me but always always in my heart and the God who I don't always feel but is always, always within me and beside me.