Yesterday I fell sick. It was the worst of times for that to happen - Dad had taken two afternoons in a row off to spend time with me, Reshem was here for a stopover before his 6 month backpacking trip through Southeast Asia, and tomorrow I am about to go off to Malaysia for a church Young Adult Retreat. I felt like I needed to be present, engaged and expendable with my time and energy, but couldn't because my body was aching and tired and so cold.
Instead of going for the treetop walk we planned initially (foiled again!) we did something less strenuous with Dad and Reshem (bowling) and then I came home, took my temperature (fever) cried a little with frustration and disappointment, because I felt like I was letting the people around me down, and then went to bed with three blankets to stop the shivers.
In the night, three times I felt someone come and feel my forehead.
And I felt so thankful then that I was sick at this moment, in a place where I have people (angels in disguise) around me who care and make me take a step back and rest even though my instinct is to just try and push on.
There is almost always a part of my mind that is taking me to the next thing - I need to read this, I need to write that, I need to run this much/this fast, I need to... I need to... But 'need' is a tricky word of sometimes self-deception. Because the only thing I truly need is God, His mercy and grace and presence with me when I'm well and when I'm ill, His patience when I'm rushing from thing to thing and forgetting to worship or honour Him, His unfathomable power as He knows the plans that He has for me far better than I could anticipate or force.
And one thing God intends for us is rest. I find it so incredible that something God asks of us, that we dedicate at least one day of the week as a day of rest (and specifically, to find our rest in the contemplation and worship of God), is not only for our spiritual health but also so intrinsic to our physical health. Something I read:
Life is light and shade, fast and slow, light and dark, action and rest, awake and asleep… There’s an ebb and flow of life that unless we learn to work with, will fight against our constant need to drive hard, until something out of our control happens to slow us down. [...] While we sleep our brains consolidate memories, and our muscles, bones, and organs repair themselves and sleep keeps our immune system healthy. Getting consistently less than 6 hours of sleep per night increases the risk of cancer purely because you’re not giving your body time to rest, regroup and repair.
In 2012, Scientists discovered how our brains clean themselves out. While our bodies and cells are working, they accumulate toxic waste. The lymphatic system washes this waste away from our bodies, but our brains need a different cleaning system.
A clear liquid called cerebrospinal fluid covers our brains. It travels through special channels and washes the brain out, taking the toxins to the general circulatory system, where the liver can remove them. Studies show that this special cleaning system within our brain is TEN TIMES more active during sleep.
When we wake, these channels squeeze shut, and the cerebrospinal fluid hangs out mostly on the surface of the brain, not deep inside it. When we are awake, this cleaning system performs at 5% of its capacity.
While are we awake, our brains are crazy busy supporting everything we do: movements, thoughts, capturing memories, and interrupting the signals that come in through our senses. It’s only when we are asleep, and these processes shut down for the day that our brains can switch into cleaning mode.
God says 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest'. It might not seem like the most impressive thing to say - he doesn't say 'and I will give you power' or 'and I will give you riches' or 'and I will give you your heart's desire' - but it is the very thing we need.
So today I rested, all day. I lay in bed. I spent some time replying to people I love from all over the world. I had lots of rice congee, and a bagel with apple sauce. I practiced some yoga that focused on healing and slow meditative movements -leaving out the crow in the second one because I didn't feel like that was the most constructive thing for my body. I learnt that the ampersand used to be part of the alphabet.
I feel much better now.
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