i chose you

i don't know why i can't get this on the right side but i can't :(

I've been having an awful lot of track recently.

Two weeks ago we had a camp which i went for for half of Monday and Tuesday, and then there was the SPH relay on Sunday.

But I'm not complaining because honestly honestly track has been probably my best choice in ACJC in terms of how ridiculously happy it makes me.

And before season starts (on Wednesday) i wanted to write out why exactly i love it so much, why i stick to it even though i sometimes feel so tired and over stretched

I think primarily its the people. I have never been in a CCA group where love has been given so unreservedly and care is shown to everyone-and there are no ugly lines of hatred or maliciousness among the trackers, they are so genuinely wonderful people. And the best thing is i feel like i can trust them completely, and i feel like any trust they place on me is a privilege rather than a burden (which sometimes is what i feel when others say they trust me) Perhaps most people feel this way or maybe its just me but i think that trust is such a shaky and risky concept, because it requires mutual understanding and a level of equity in the trust given and also unspoken respect because once spoken it hints at a tinge of hesitance and therefore the perfect serenity of  trust is torn. But when i confide in the trackers i feel safe which is a really precious emotion.

The other thing i love best is how crazy i can be with the trackers. Contrary to popular belief, i am no a very perfect person at all and not composed all the time. I do go silly and strange and nutty although only when i am really comfortable with the environment and the people i am with. And with the trackers i can. I can jump around when we're doing our cool down, i can sing off key and laugh at myself, i can have countless astro-turf wars and i can just let go. Letting go is so difficult because it makes you vulnerable. When people see your loose self they have impression, you are no longer their first impression and things change but with the trackers it changed for the better :) And this is something i value intensely because sometimes i feel like i have to keep up behavior and watch my actions in school because there are so many people with so many expectations. And i don't feel uncomfortable doing that because i understand that its important and necessary and its efficient but then track becomes my outlet where i feel more alive. I think much more in the quiet moments when i keep my composure and remain ion my self, but all the thought and the emotion spills out in track and i emerge. Its kind of like how Anne Frank described how she has 'two Anne's'. Not that the crazy Miriam never appears elsewhere-she revels with her class, she rejoices with her church friends and the SCGS gang and some Choir people, but track is also an important place where she emerges. (i think its slightly creepy to be addressing myself in third person but i don't know how else to express it)

I have been so blessed by Becky's infectious joy (i wish i had her picture here :( ), Vanessa's never failing drive, Luk ching's quiet strength, Jane's over whelming love, Christine's deep thought, Ben's constant support, Tsaqif and Gideon's constant humour, Wei en's strangeness, Chun Tat's courtesy and so many more that i can't always put in words but that i care for deeply as well.

And as season approaches, i can't wait to run with the people that make me so incredibly happy, and to hug them when its all over, because i feel like i win every race when i'm with them.