Friday, January 11, 2013

results



Honestly there is nothing like going back to secondary school to grind in the fact that you really have graduated.
I walked into school, feeling awkward and shy, like a sec one again. Everything was the same but i felt out of place. My uniform felt stiff and small on me (though the belt still hangs from my waist-they really need to improve their design of the uniform) and i didn;t know where to go or what to do (being 20 minutes too early to meet my friends)
Thankfully i met Kasee and we went on a tour of the school together. revisiting old places and trying not to look conspicuous.
Then i had lunch, which was Xia Mian, which i had dreamed of having but when i had it my stomach was doing flips and twists and the noodles tasted slimy and i returned my bowl half eaten and felt guilty over the children in north korea and africa
And then i trooped up to the hall with the rest of the sec 4s.
what happened in the hall is hard to explain
im not going to say my friends reactions because that would be a betrayal of confidence.
so i'll try to say what i felt instead of what i saw

Throughout the entire experience imagine dragons song AMERICA was playing through my head

"rise to the top of the world
america
america don't you cry
lift me up
give me strength to press on"

the first memorable emotion i can recall now was when they screened the valuable mention people (those who made good progress) because i saw a name of a friend and i was so pleased i literally felt my heart lurch with joy. After that i felt kind of electrified because it had begun
results revelation
had
begun

And so i was eager

Then they screened the results for those who got 7 or more A1s. The first screen (filled with SY kids)
was tantalising and wonderful when i saw familiar names.
The second screen had a girl from my class
And i began to feel worried
It was selfish i know
but i felt sad and a curling up and dying inside me that said, nope miriam, you didn't make the cut. You aren't there, your chance is over. From your class only one made it
and it wasn't you.

And then

the next screen

HAD
MY NAME ON IT

I was so relieved The bit inside me that had begun to die sudden begun floating.
i literally had this feeling of myself filling with some kind of magical air or something thing made of pure happiness and gratitude it was incredible
and tears
well
i dont usually cry but
tears literally came into my eyes because i was so so so relieved

and then we had to collect our slips

and this is what was on mine

ENGLISH   A1
EMATH     A1
AMATH    A1
COMBINED HUMANITIES    A1
LITERATURE    A1
BIOLOGY          A1
CHEMISTRY    A1
HIGHER CHINESE    C6

so there it is.

and then began the bouts of comforting others, and celebrating with others.
And in the midst of all the screaming and the excitedness i heard a chorus of "MIRIAM!!!" and saw emily and the choir juniors upstairs waving at me and doing thumbs ups and it was so sweet and lovely to know i had support there :)
you are all amazing

i can't say anymore it wouldn't be authentic because the happiness isn;t exactly word worthy.

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