How to have better conversations

On Saturday, I went for a talk titled 'Where is God in the abortion debate?' Before the talk I milled around the room and talked to a few people.

'So, what are you stats?' (Stats is Cambridge-code for your name, year, college, and course.) They rolled off my tongue, and the rest of the conversation nervously floated on the surface of superficial understanding. I can't remember his college or course, much less his name now. I had a couple other conversations, some similarly light and meaningless. It was a good talk, but I left quickly afterwards, not wanting to keep talking about nothing. Then that evening, I came across this video: 'How to have a good conversation?'

It pinned down so many of the flaws I display when I talk to people - pretending everything is fine, not prying into emotional lives, not persisting in seeking out or offering vulnerability.

The next evening, I went for a formal dinner after the final evensong of term. I sat across from Jacob and Rob and next to Nic. Conversation started, and after probing and asking more I got into an amazing conversation about music and poetry and how non-religious people can still have a spiritual experience out of traditional religious music. And it was possibly one of the best choir formal conversations I've had - most of the conversations go along the lines of 'If you were a type of bread, what bread would you be?' which is fun but not always a way to get to know what people really care about.