I told Ben after we had lunch "You know on the days where I spend the whole day out, like today, I either get home feeling a good kind of tired, or a bad kind of tired, like I wasted all my time."
Well, today was a full day.
It began with morning marketing with Dad, who trusted me to buy the fruits and vegetables which resulted in me getting cheated by the fruit uncle and buying a dragon fruit that cost $2.40 when across the street in Shop and Save they were going at 5 for $1.95. I also got two pears which I asked the uncle to help me pick out, and while he had meticulously tapped and listened to multiple pears for the woman before me who asked him to pick two out for her, he just glanced at them and fished two out for me. It was probably because I asked "几块?" instead of "多少钱?" and apparently there is a difference although they both essentially mean "how much does this cost?" because he laughed at me and corrected my poor Chinese and therefore knew that I wasn't a market native.
Then Dad and I went over to Shop and Save and Dad saw a sale for tomatoes and immediately exclaimed 'Eh look Miriam! Sale! Quick take take take!" and I had this mental image of Mum sighing and rolling her eyes if she had been there, especially because a lady who was already looking through the tomatoes was giggling at Dad's enthusiasm, but I smiled because it's one of Dad's quirks - this kiasu-excitement - just like how he calls things 'stylo-milo' and eats two oranges a day and doesn't like sweetcorn.
So we got tomatoes, as well as avocado, bananas and dragonfruit.
When I got home, I baked a banana and blueberry walnut loaf because our current bananas were so old they were leaving the bunch on their own - no pulling needed.
Before lunch, Ben had to go and buy his from Cold Storage and brought me over to the meat counter - as a joke I suppose but honestly. There is nothing funny about showing someone who has made a conscious choice to steer away from animal cruelty a counter of carcasses slathered with various marinades and spices - it's like showing a Muslim a ham sandwich and expecting them to find it amusing. And honestly I am so tired of people joking about the meat industry, or my choice to stop supporting it. I have meat eating friends who understand that I am a vegetarian, but do not see themselves becoming vegetarian, and so they eat their meat and I eat my veggies and we talk about things like the new songs we have discovered, or how that day of cycling felt like. And then I have friends who understand that I am a vegetarian, but do not see themselves becoming vegetarian, and so they continually refer to this dichotomy and cast levity on an issue I view with great gravity, which I just wish would stop.
So I told Ben he was being insensitive and I couldn't believe him - and then he made a joke about a hot DOG bun, saying oh look, there's no DOG in here, which i didn't quite get, although I understood that it was about the usual reference to a hot dog as pig meat at which point I just rolled my eyes and walked off to look at the granola.
But Ben wasn't annoying all the time and tried to teach me to meditate (although I really CANNOT empty my mind - sensory and psychological awareness is just too ever present) and I taught him to peel a dragon fruit without a knife, which I suppose is close enough to a mutual apology.
After that, I met the SC girls to celebrate Charmaine's birthday, but because I had worship practice I had to leave early. Still, I savoured the time spent sitting around the table in the Thai Restaurant, listening to them discuss NUS camps. It's strange to think that they will be in such close proximity while I will be miles away in England - I'm so afraid things will be lost. Thankfully I will have Angeline in London and that means during term breaks and things we could meet up, or even on some weekends (perhaps we'll watch some Westend together!), and she'll be welcome in Number 6 for Christmas. Wan Chia is going to try being vegetarian for a week for health reasons, so I helped her with some meal ideas. Pearl had her number used as a reward in a pool game (although the guy who won already had it). Deborah had just woken up after night cycling, and she kept blinking rapidly. I had another dragon fruit, and when we took an attempted 'squad goals' picture I practiced my meditation (eyes opened this time).
I was loathe to leave, but I did, and got to church. (late) Worship practice was rather disheartening, because things moved quite slowly, and I could sense Ben and Daniella complaining and I missed England. During the time of sharing and prayer, after sharing about my feeling of wanting more control over my life, I asked other people if they wanted to share about their week, but everyone gave silence until Auntie Jan began speaking, apologising first, saying she was sorry if everyone wasn't sharing because of the presence of an 'old person'. My heart ached for her - she isn't an imposition or a nuisance, she is such a lovely willing helper. I still don't understand why no one would speak - how can fellowship be built if I don't know about what you are going through, the longings and struggles of your heart, the little voices you fight against that tell you you can't do it, or the tears you shed because you burnt something.
By the end of the practice, we had only had a full run once, every one was fatigued, and so we left it at that. I was, for perhaps the first worship preparation of my life, resigned. I knew that I didn't really care if every thing went wrong the next day, which was such a uninspired place to be in. I was also saddened because of the back talk that had been going on, which I felt had no place in a worship rehearsal. Agnes and I talked about that for a while before we got a lift in Chris' car back home.
Back home, I told Dad about how frustrated I was at the back talk, and he reminded me that everyone has flaws- in the workplace, in school, in church. He told me that I couldn't let it get me down because ultimately worship is about God. And so after a rather pleading prayer, I breathed deep and went to sleep.
Thankfully worship was alright the next day, and the light of a new dawn dissipated the gloomy clouds of spiteful whispering.
No comments:
Post a Comment