Am I a flirt?

 

Sometimes I'm afraid of what people think of me when I write on my blog. I remember in the MFA interview last year, the interviewers asked me 'Are you easily affected by what people say about you?' And I wanted so much to say no, to concretise with my words that I was strong and autonomous in my identity. But I looked out of the window, at a tree with its leaves skimming the surface of the grey building next to it,  and I had to tell them. 'Yes, I'm do care deeply about what others say and think of me.'

I actually had to think for quite a while before I posted my post 'smile'. I was afraid it might portray me as a flirt. I remember sharing this particular worry with Emily on a train ride home from a barbecue.

When I talk to girls I laugh, I smile, I joke and I like talking about things beyond the everyday - things like religion, future hopes and dreams, what makes us afraid, what makes us unspeakably happy.
When I talk to boys I laugh, I smile, I joke and I like talking about things beyond the everyday - things like religion, future hopes and dreams, what makes us afraid, what makes us unspeakably happy.

I don't mean to pay anyone special attention but I do strive to make every one feel special. So yes, I don't know what the conclusion of this blog post is. I don't even know still if I DO flirt more than I should. I'm actually probably just over analysing and worrying. And also being frustrated over the fact that I realise for a girl to be considered flirty is socially frowned upon while for boys it is sometimes considered a status symbol (in certain cultures).

I don't mean to flirt. I should just go to bed.