This week was slightly hellish
On top of my own existentialist musings about the validity of my religion, I had UCAS and COPA submissions and a Lit H3 to complete and hand in.
And I think the COPA application especially just made me feel wholly inadequate, unintelligent, ugly and small.
Who am I, I thought, To even try to enter Cambridge?
I struggled to explain my love for literature (When you are so used to loving something its hard to put into words why sometimes), and to explain my choice of Cambridge (wanting to live near my grandma while receiving a first class education and being overseas seemed rather childish suddenly), and my awkward smile and blemished face in the application photo just made me feel ugly (hence me attacking it with the windows photo editor thingy-erasing this erasing that and finally constructing a better me on screen while the off screen me still has scars and eye bags and discolorations and lumps and bumps)
Thankfully, everything began falling into place by the end of the week.
After editing my personal statement with Mum's help (my punctuation sigh), it got the green light (and well wishes) from Mrs Creffield which made me feel a lot safer, and then i finished my lit H3 but best of all my mum read through it and told me it was amazing, and so i printed 5 copies (excessive, you may think, but mum wanted to send grandma a copy aside from the one i was submitting, the one i was keeping for myself and the one i was saving for a possible interview with Cambridge or any other university)
On Friday night i had ballet and saw Emily again and laughed as usual (I am never forgetting your pronunciation of coupe EVER Miss Posh)
And this morning as I just lay in bed I looked out on the balcony and saw the 'komoreibi' (when sunlight filters through the trees) and marvelled at my creator God
And now I am going to bake a lemon drizzle cake
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