A collection of the inappropriate and strange things that come out of my mouth

1) My director of studies 'Who should we invite to the post-exam English dinner? We could invite some of your supervisors -- oh, Miriam, what about _____ (my dissertation supervisor)?'

Me: 'Oh yes, he could teach us wrestling!'

Dos: Maybe not.

Me: No. (internally) Please let me die.

(Context: Apparently my supervisor used to wrestle before he started lecturing on medieval literature - that's Cambridge for you!)

2) Jay: Is Jacob your first boyfriend?

Me: Yes, and I'm the first woman he's been with.

Jay: First...woman?

Me: Not like that.

3) Me: Yeah for sure I'd travel with a baby, babies are portable!

Me:(internally) I am an idiot.

4) Whilst looking at the recipe for the chocolate and pear cake we were making, which called for one pear.

Holds up a pear.

Me: 'Is this a pear?'

(I meant would that equate to 'one pear' as written in a recipe. We ended up using one and a half.)

4) 'Lots of love, Miriam' - when signing off an email to the student accounts woman